In ADVICE + THOUGHTS

I’m sure a lot of you have caught on to the fact that I haven’t posted any pictures or even talked about my relationship with Chris over the past month. Actually, what you’ve been seeing is a wishful attempt to cover up an incredible amount of pain with new adventures and good photography. Whether it’s an attempt to distract myself from disappointment or a way to try and focus on the bright side, I knew I eventually had to come out and be honest with you guys. I run a very public platform where I want to be as transparent as I can – not because I want you to know every detail of my life, but because I believe in the power of sharing and connecting with women over the real things going on in our lives – the struggles, failures, disappointments, and not so photogenic moments.

Chris and I recently decided to go our separate ways. Those words are still hard for me to write, but how could they not be after two long years of fighting against the odds and trying to make things work? As much as I wish I could just cover up the pain and heartbreak and move on, something continues to push me to share what I’m going through with hopes of reaching those of you dealing with a similar type of pain. Writing this isn’t easy for me, I’ve been avoiding this post for a while. For one thing – I still have hundreds of unanswered questions myself, but also because I’m still grieving the loss of someone I used to call my best friend. Accepting the reality that something I was so sure of might not have been all I thought it was has been a tough pill to swallow.

I don’t want to go to into too much detail or place blame on anyone or anything, because that’s not what this is about. In the beginning, our mutual desire to pursue God kept us on the same path, but somewhere along the way things got complicated. Long distance, family, and change all played their part. Chris comes from a Mormon background and I’m from a Catholic family – there’s no denying that’s a complicated situation regardless how ‘right’ for each other we may have been. As much as we wanted love to just guide the way, there were always lingering differences and unanswered questions we tried to avoid. We had obstacles we thought we could overcome but in the end they proved to be too much and our end goals weren’t quite matching up anymore. And honestly we are both just in very different places in our lives, which caused a disconnect.

The one piece of advice I want to give that I’ve taken away from all of this, is just because you’ve invested a lot time and effort in something doesn’t mean that should be your reason to stay. Yes, you should always try to focus on the good in any relationship, but at some point you have to be honest with yourself and draw the line between comfort and true happiness. If you try too hard to force the pieces that don’t fit, you’ll end up making decisions for the wrong reasons and dragging something out much longer than it should last (resulting in even more pain in the future). Your time is way too precious to be spent on someone or something that isn’t right for you. Don’t ignore the red flags and always be sure to listen to the people who truly love you, sometimes love can be so blinding. There’s no denying we were so in love with each other, not many couples would go through the obstacles we had to go through in order to try to make things work. But, I believe that dating is a learning process and a way to figure out if that person is truly a good match for you – in all aspects of your life and future.

Obviously we all love being in a relationship and being in love. It gives us a sense of security and purpose. But sometimes you have to take a step back and think about the big picture. Ask yourself if your relationship is making you a better person and allowing you to be exactly who you are while being a part of the other person’s life as well. As you guys know, in the early stages of our relationship I made the somewhat crazy/somewhat emotional decision to move out to Utah to be closer to Chris. I don’t regret the decision because I learned a ton, lived in a great city, made some wonderful friends, and moving out there is actually what got me to start my blog. However, removing myself from the culture, friends, family, and life that made me who I was and being immersed in an entirely different culture caused me to feel a little lost and out of place. Over time I noticed I started to lose pieces of who I really was and I lost confidence trying to fit into a culture that I wasn’t necessarily a part of. When you make a huge sacrifice like that for a relationship it adds pressure to the situation and causes you to ignore red flags that you probably wouldn’t usually just brush off. My life in Utah revolved around one person, and that wasn’t healthy.

As much as we want to try and control the things that happen to us and create the life we think we deserve, God continues to make it very obvious to us that our idea of happiness is not necessarily His. The purpose of writing this is to tell you that no matter what you think is right for you, what you have planned for tomorrow, or how hard you try to control things and make life go a certain way – God has bigger plans and higher expectations for you than you could ever imagine. He wants us to understand that any amount of pain we experience in this life is worth going through if it eventually leads us to a life fulfilled and lead by Him. Every experience we go through – however great or painful – is strengthening and teaching us how to deal with the next thing life throws our way. I think the most admirable women are the ones who have been through the hard things and still pull it together regardless of how bad it tore them apart. You live, you learn, and you teach the next girl/daughter/sister/friend in your life that she’s gonna get through it just like you did. And be so much stronger when it’s all over. Place your trust in the One who’s love is constant and you will never be disappointed and He will lead you to the person who loves everything about you – your flaws, imperfections, strengths, beauty – and appreciates you for exactly who you are.

We go through hard things and disappointments but there’s always joy and new beginnings around the corner. I’m turning 25 this week and I’m officially making the move to live in Chicago in summer – something I’ve always wanted to do! I’m going to continue to push myself to reach new and exciting things with my blog this year, focus on being my own person outside of a relationship, and figure out exactly who I am and what I want. Thank you for always reading my thoughts and for being so supportive. I can’t ever thank you all enough for your sweet emails and comments, but I sure do love you for it! I’m hoping your spring season is filled with so many beautiful beginnings!

xo, liv

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Showing 91 comments
  • Regina
    Reply

    This post is just beautiful. I love your transparency and now honest your writing is. I’ve followed your blog for a few weeks and you are becoming one of my favs! Keep being true to you. As Dr. Seuss would say there is no one youer than you (or something similar 😉) ❤️

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much Regina – I’m so glad you came across my blog! And yes, very very good advice 🙂

  • Maya
    Reply

    Oh girlfriend, I’m sending you a BIG virtual hug. I had a breakup a few years ago that just shook me to my core, and I know how hard it feel losing your best friend. We had been dating for 8 years, and things just didn’t work out (and he made a few bad decisions along the way.) I wish I could give you a hug, but just know that things will get so much better – just stay strong and let yourself feel all the things you need to feel. Sending you lots and lots of love! xx

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much for that Maya, it’s always nice to hear other girls who have gotten through it. We will have to have some fun this summer in the city – see you soon <3

  • Emily
    Reply

    A relationship ending is never easy! I’ve only been following your blog for a few months now and could see in just that short time how much he meant to you, but God will pull you through and you’ll be stronger than ever.
    I look forward to your posts every day! Keep on keepin’ on!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Emily! Thanks so much for your kind words and positivity. I’m so happy you’re reading my blog, you’re awesome 🙂

  • Brittany
    Reply

    I absolutely love this piece. I resonate so much with it. This was me last summer and all I could do was turn to God and lean on Him for his strength. Almost a year later, I look back and realize just how wrong I was for wanting to hold on to something that wasn’t in His plan. I was so unhappy at that point in time trying to make things work. I am now so much happier and just being patient about who God has for me. I agree we all want to be in relationships and in love but His timing is always perfect!

    I wish you all the best in this difficult time but trust that it gets better!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Sometimes I think that’s the point of it all – so that He’s our only choice for strength. It’s funny how you are blind to so many things when you’re in the midst of it all. Thanks for the support Brittany!

  • El
    Reply

    This post spoke directly to me and my current situation. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon this. You just affirmed all of the doubts I have been struggling with. Thank you for sharing! Good luck with your new adventure.

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you for reading – sometimes it just helps to hear it from someone else going through the same thing!

  • Jess
    Reply

    I’m going through the same thing right now. As hard as it is, knowing that God could possibly have a better plan makes everything seem ok again. I’m sure that took a lot of courage opening up to all of your readers like that. Stay strong, praying for you girlie 💗Xoxo

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you Jess – it’s not an easy thing to talk about but comments like yours help so much!

  • rebekah chait
    Reply

    I came across your instagram awhile back and thought oh im going to follow her because she is an ex cheerleader and boy is she beautiful and so sweet, started following you on snap chat and saw how genuine you are (oh and I have fallen in love with your nonnie) then started following your blog (that makes me a salker i guess, lol) and I’ve loved all your post but this one is my favorite. First I’m so sorry you are hurting but thank you so much for your raw uncensored honesty. This wasn’t an easy post for you I’m sure but you have been blessed with a platform where you can be such an amazing role model for tons of young girls. So thank you. I own a cheer gym in Knoxville, TN and I constantly tell my girls to follow you. God has something extra special in store for you!!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hahah, your comment made me laugh out loud. And no you’re not a stalker – my job is so write content you want to read, haha 🙂 Thanks for your nice words and for telling your girls to follow my blog, you are awesome <3

  • Carly
    Reply

    I never comment on things, but this post really spoke to me! I am in such a similar position (25, former college cheerleader lol, recently went through a strangely similar break up based on what I just read). As difficult as it was for me to completely let go of the pain and the past, I have grown so much from doing so. I have become myself again, my faith and relationship with God has never been stronger, and I know exactly what I hope to find in a future relationship. You are such an inspiration! I can tell just from your posts that you are a beautiful person inside and out. Trust His timing and trust that His plan is greater than our own. And of course, thank you for motivating us daily and helping us be much more stylish! 😉

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Wow yes very similar! I am looking forward to getting to that point where I can see the things that He is leading me to. Thanks for reaching out to me and I’m so happy you’re reading my blog. You seem like an awesome girl who’s using God to guide your life! xoxo

  • Kelsey
    Reply

    I found myself reading many of your sentences multiple times because they were so captivating and inspiring. It is a nice reminder to know that He is always there for us. Thank you for inspiring me as a young cheerleader and also now as a young woman. Much love, always 🙂

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      That makes me so happy. Thanks for reading Kelsey, I appreciate it so much!

  • Lisa Dyer
    Reply

    I have admired your cheerleading talent and beauty for many years… Being from Kentucky, I have seen you in person many times at cheer clinics, games, etc. I must say that this post shows what a classy lady you are who has a true heart for our Lord. Thank you.

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much Lisa. The older I get the more I realize He’s the only thing that really gets us through this life in one piece!

  • Emily
    Reply

    I read this and could not agree more. You truly are an inspiration to young girls everywhere and I commend you for being so honest!! As a cheerleader, Catholic, and love of fashion, I love everything about your blog and what you stand for. Continue to do the beautiful things you do, people really do appreciate it!! Xoxo lots of love

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much Emily! I love hearing that you’re reading my blog and enjoying it, that’s why i love doing what I do! Thank you so much for you support <3

  • JeriLynn
    Reply

    Sending tons of prayers, love, and good vibes your way, sweet girl! This post, despite being so beautifully written, was difficult to read. Having followed yall’s relationship from the moment you met and knowing the hurt you’re experiencing is truly devastating. I went through such a similar situation myself, and your outlook, faith, and realigned focus is so perfect and where it needs to be. Read your Bible like crazy, and check out “Praying For Your Future Husband” by Robin James Gunn if you get a chance. I know you know this, but sometimes it helps to hear it again.. to know that this was merely a stepping stone and God has something EVEN more amazing that He is preparing for you- is incredible. YOU are what someone is praying for. Keep your head up, pretty girl! Congrats on your upcoming moving to Chicago. You will do amazing things!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much for the book recommendation and your sweet words. And you are so right about the stepping stone – it’s hard to always keep that in mind when things seem to hurt so badly, but it’s true. Everything is a learning experience. Thanks for reading JeriLynn 🙂

  • Brianna Speaker
    Reply

    Olivia,
    I have read many of your posts (all of them are fabulous) but this one seems to really resonate with me. You always have such true and honest ideas and you are a great role model to women. Thanks for your thoughtful words- I know I needed them.

    Hoping for the best as you move to Chicago!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Brianna! Thank you so much! I’m glad this post could help you in some way, that’s why I wanted to get it out there – so many of us deal with the same problems so why not talk about it publicly! xox

  • Madison
    Reply

    The best thing I ever did was taking time for myself. You get to be yourself and catch your breath. And what’s better than proving to everyone that you are the ultimate, independent woman! Stay busy and take time.

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much Madison <3

  • Katelyn Wells
    Reply

    ” I don’t know what the future may hold, but I know who holds the future.” Olivia your strength and faithfulness in God to help bring you out of pain and a difficult situation, is truly an inspiration. It’s an awesome thing to see someone’s faith be more than just words and truly live a life of Christ. God knows the desires of your heart and he blesses those who are faithful! I truly believe your journey has just started:) best of luck in Chicago, in the immortal words of Chris Farley, “DA BEARS!”

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      I love the reality of that – He really does know the desires of our hearts, even when we might not know what they truly are at the time. Thank you so much Katelyn and yes, I’m SO excited for Chicago!!

  • Kate
    Reply

    Hi, Olivia. I doubt I’m a part of your typical reading demographic. I’m an old lady, and I can’t even do a cartwheel. ;). Seriously, I’m a mom of four and I can’t recall how I discovered your Instagram account, but I follow you with a handful of otherfashion bloggers because one of my guilty pleasures is clothes. At any rate, coming from a happily married mom who also happens to be Catholic and suffered the malady of two broken hearts until I met the one God intended for me, I want to say that your wisdom and willingness to be open to God’s plan is spot-on. Life is messy, heartbreaking, and beautiful, and as cliche as it sounds, I am thankful for all of my broken moments. You can’t heal until you’ve been wounded. I hope I’ll never have to witness my kids’ hearts being broken, but I also know I can’t inoculate them against angst and that I’ll be able to better minister to them as well as others because of some of the tough things I’ve gone through – from breakups to overcoming anorexia.

    You have a strong, generous heart and are beautiful inside and out. Keep sharing that heart of yours. For me that was the scariest part after the end of a relationship – the willingness to be vulnerable again. But vulnerability is so beautiful, and the world is desperate for authentic women who are willing to give and receive love.

    God bless you, and good luck in Chicago. My parents grew up in the city and I lived in a suburb until my family relocated Down South. It’s a great city!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Kate- the cartwheel comment made me laugh out loud, haha. Thank you so much for your words. A broken heart is a terrible thing, I’ve never experienced it quite like this before. And you’re so right about the vulnerability thing, that’s never been an issue for me until now. I’m hoping things will get easier every day, thank you again for reading!

  • SHEENA
    Reply

    So perfectly written! I feel your pain sweet girl. Just know that God is the one with the BEST plan for your life! Hang in there and He will truly amaze you… I speak from experience❤️

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you Sheena <3

  • Lauren
    Reply

    I went through a very similar situation about 3 years ago. We dated long distance for over two years and finally realized how very different we were. It was the absolute hardest and most painful thing I have ever been through. And I know it is so cliché, but time heals everything! Stay positive and be extra sensitive to yourself. Allow time for grieving but remember to enjoy all the things that make you happy! Thank you so much for writing this post, it is beautifully written and so heartfelt!!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you Lauren – time really does heal everything it’s just the waiting process that’s so hard. I’m so happy you’re reading my blog thank you for reaching out! <3

  • Grace Brinkley
    Reply

    Hi Olivia,

    Hoping that writing this post brought you peace and clarity- as I often find when I put pen (typing) to paper (screen). Although I am sure it was difficult to write, thank you for being open and sharing with your audience and fellow women. You are truly an inspiration in your love for God and he will bless you accordingly. Stay strong!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Grace! A lot of the time that’s why I write – it helps to get your thoughts out and see things more clearly. Thank you so much for reading and for your sweet words, you’re so kind.

  • Olivia
    Reply

    Thank you so much for your honesty… I am faced with the same situation, as my boyfriend is looking for a new job and I am going to be moving out of the US this fall. A tough decision, but your words sum it up the reasoning very well. I appreciate that you openly confront the less-than-perfect moments of life, and because of this, I find it very easy to relate to your blog (so much so that this is the only one that I read!). Thank you very much.

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through something similar. It’s always so sad when circumstances and plans just don’t end up working in your favor. Thank you so much for reading and wishing you the best with your move, that sounds awesome!

  • Chelsea Lee Harris
    Reply

    Olivia this is truly an amazing and inspiring post. I love reading your post and following you. Your truly beautiful inside and out! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Proud of you and so inspired.
    Cheers and prayers,
    Cheslea Lee Harris

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much Chelsea – and I love hearing from girls like you!! It makes writing posts so much better. You are so sweet!

  • Megan
    Reply

    Hi Olivia,
    I love reading your blog and this post really stood out to me and made me feel a lot better with my own situation. I had a boyfriend for 2 years who broke up with me saying he didn’t want a girlfriend, but was actually cheating the whole time and had a girl he broke up with me for. A year later, it is still hard because I fell in love again recently with someone else and got heartbroken a once again. It’s hard to be single, and I cry all the time. Reading this post really made me feel better! I’m a junior in college, so i know there’s a lot of time for me and for you! You are beyond gorgeous and any guy would swoop you up in a second. Please post tips on how to be single soon! I would love to talk with you sometime about relationships and how to be happy without one because it’s hard.

    Thank you again for this post!

    Megan

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Megan, I’m so sorry to hear that. Heartbreak is terrible and it hurts horribly every time. I hope can find peace in living life without relying on a guy – because honestly unless he’s a gem a lot of them tend to be pretty unreliable! Thank you so much for reaching out to me and I’m dog lad you’re reading my blog 🙂 Single tips coming ASAP!

  • Nina
    Reply

    Olivia, you are such an inspiration. You are truly beautiful inside and out. I love following your blog, and not only are you are gorgeous and oh so stylish, but you also share real life moments like this that we can all relate to, and that is so amazing. Thank you for sharing and being you xo

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Nina! Thank you so much for your comment – I love hearing from the girls who are reading 🙂 You are so sweet!

  • Morgan
    Reply

    I very rarely comment on anything but I can’t help but comment on this because it resonated so heavily with me. This post was so important. For every girl that has ever been through, or is currently going through something similar to this (like me) this is hugely beneficial. You are reaching so many women that need words like this to take the step they should have taken six months ago. It’s also so admirable that you are being so transparent. I respect that you didn’t go into detail–it’s unnecessary. But men that aren’t worth the heartache are all too common, (although that’s not to say that in many situations the differences aren’t mutual) and I feel sure that this post will positively affect more than one woman’s life. I had to make this same decision (over two years, long distance) almost a year ago, and after a lot of pain and reflection, I know it was what was best for me. The fact that you are letting women know the light at the end of the tunnel exists when you go with your gut and reluctantly do what you need to do is groundbreaking, because you are, for the most part, an unbiased party, not the best friend that has “pretty much always hated that guy.”

    Thank you for this post, regardless of the fact that it came a little too late for my own personal experience. I know it will ring true for many, and there’s nothing in this world like some female solidarity, am I right? I’m sending positive thoughts and strength your way. Good for you for moving on and doing what’s best for YOU. I hope many of these comments help to heal the pain I know you must still be feeling. It doesn’t happen overnight, but the light at the end of the tunnel is in fact there! Thank you for your openness. Best of luck with your move to that fabulous city–I’m jealous 😉 xo

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Morgan-
      Thank you so much for that comment, and you’re right, SO many girls go through this type of thing and sometimes the only thing that really helps is just knowing others have experienced the same type of pain and made it through. Thank you so much for your thoughts and positive vibes and I’m so happy you’re reading my blog <3

  • Felicia C
    Reply

    Dear Olivia, I’m happy to read that you’ve taken the first brave steps to recovery by being able to be honest with the world. You’re an amazing lady and you will find a partner that will complement you and encourage you to grow both as an individual and together with him as a team. I send you all my love and blessings all the way from Singapore. Stay strong and classy, honey! Lots of us have got your back ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you Felicia! It’s so good to hear from you. You are so sweet and I really appreciate your words. Hope you are doing so well 🙂 xoxo

  • Erin
    Reply

    Wow, I am not one to comment on the social media/ life of people I don’t know…I just follow and enjoy and keep to myself. But I felt the need to let you know how much this post effected me…I have been through sometime similar recently…it’s a grief like no other. And you put into words the things I’ve been feeling but haven’t found the words to express them. And also very uplifting and amazing advice! Thank you thank you! God bless!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Erin, that makes me so happy to hear. Sometimes it really does help to work through something by writing out how I feel about it. And with all of you girls leaving comments about how it resonated with you – that makes me feel so much better! I’m glad you stumbled across my post, thanks for stopping by 🙂 xo

  • Matia Cary
    Reply

    We can’t always see the big picture but we can comfort in knowing God has a plan for us. Trust your intuition- the older guys get, the less they change, so make sure you are on the right side of that equation. My father always told me who I eventually chose to marry should be the most selfish decision I ever made. Best advice I ever got.

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      What a great quote, your dad is so right! Thanks for the comment and for stopping by Matia <3

  • Rachel
    Reply

    Olivia, you have such a beautiful heart and your grace inspires me so much! I’ve been following you for some time now through your blog and before that through Instagram and I just admire you SO much for the amount of class and eloquence that is so evident… Even if it is just through social media. Xoxo sending happy thoughts and hugs your way, love!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Rachel! Thank you so much for taking time to leave a comment, it means so much to me! It makes this blogging thing so awesome when I get to connect with girls like you. Thank you for following along <3 <3

  • Olivia B.
    Reply

    Olivia,
    Although this post is so heartbreaking, your faith is what stands out. I know that you are having a hard time and that is normal. However, your true strength shines through your words. Take everything day by day, the only help one can receive in a time like this is from God. So continue to rely on him, he will take you to far better places than you are in right now. Everything gets better with time, focus on that. Each night is another one that has passed that you have made it through. Eventually you won’t find the need to count those nights anymore. Lastly, a very close person to my heart once said, “just keep your faith in God and you’ll get through this”. Although, you may not know the story behind those words, believe me when I say that they are true, and believing in them will help you. I promise. I am praying for you, you are loved.

    Xoxo,
    Olivia

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Olivia, thank you so much for your words. You are so sweet, I am glad you’re following along. And you’re right – the only thing you can always count on is God’s love!

      xo

  • Lotty
    Reply

    Hello my sweetheart! I’m so sorry for you, but I ‘m not surprised to read these sad news. I’m following you since more than a year and I really love and appreciate you and your blog very much! I always thought, it must be difficult to have a relation with a mormon man, they are too different to us catholics or protestant! I hope you will find your real happiness in Chicago and maybe soon you will find the right man for you! I don’t want to miss to thank you for your wonderful posts, they are all superb! Very interesting texts and amazing pictures! Your outfits are always just fabulous. I wish you all the best and sending a lot of hugs and kisses! God bless you always and take care!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much Lotty! I’m so glad you’re following along with my blog. Have a great week 🙂

  • Katie Wisniewski
    Reply

    Olivia, your transparency is the first step toward recovery. I’ve been there before, and a breakup feels like losing a loved one and a part of you at the same time. You’ve got to let yourself mourn and heal before you can move on. My first real relationship, I was convinced I would marry him, but he had other plans. Had that broken road not led me to my now husband, I’d be in an incredibly different place. Just know you’re loved and respected by so many. Thank you for sharing. PS – Happy Birthday <3 Make a great wish when you blow out the candles ! XO-

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Katie – thank you so much for your words. It’s a difficult experience to go through, but I really think things like these help mold us into the people we were meant to be. So happy you’re following along, that means so much! xo

  • Kelly
    Reply

    Hi Olivia,

    Sending you a big hug! You’re such a strong and independent woman from what I can tell reading your blog and following you on social media. You have a very wise head on your shoulder and you will do amazing things. Keep up that positive energy and know that better things are ahead! Things always work on the way they should – I am a strong believer after being engaged to someone I was with for 5 years and realizing that it was all wrong. I am so much happier now and truly believe that everything is going as planned. Life is a journey – keep riding along!
    xoxo

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Wow, thanks so much Kelly. I think you’re right, sometimes we do have to go down the wrong path for a while to realize but the right path for us is. Being positive is hard A LOT of the time, but I really think you can make yourself miserable or you can make yourself happy – and it’s better to choose happy!! Thanks for reading <3

  • Wennie
    Reply

    Hi Liv!
    “Just because you’ve invested a lot time and effort in something doesn’t mean that should be your reason to stay.” – couldn’t agree more! I was in a 9 years relationship and making the decision to end it was the hardest time yet has brought me closer to God. And I can’t thank Him enough for what He has prepared for me after, I’ve been married to my soulmate now for 3 years. Sending love and support all the way from Asia. Time will heal! I’ll definitely share your writing with my girls whom I know struggling with similar situation! ♥♡♥

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      9 years!! You’re right that is a LONG time, but I’m sure it just makes you appreciate your soulmate more than ever. God puts us through things we may not understand at the time but he knows what He’s doing! I love that you’re following along from Asia, that’s so cool 🙂 Thanks for reading Wennie 🙂

  • Lydia Roberts
    Reply

    I just wanted to let you know your blog posts, advice, and tips are something that usually make my entire week. Being only 19 it’s nice to have such a beautiful God fearing woman to look up in a world filled with so much negativity. This blog post really spoke to me and brought me comfort and I hope you continue to be the amazing human being that you are:) thank you for being so honest with anyone and everyone I promise you it’s appreciated and helping many. 💛 xo Lydia

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Seriously! What a sweet message to open today. Thank you so much Lydia. It makes me so happy to know my words could help you in some way. Thank you for following along and keeping up with my blog, have a great week Lydia! xo

  • Taylor
    Reply

    I’m so proud of your transparency Olivia! The life of a blogger is so public! Really, everything is so public now with social media and we as humans hate the feeling of a relationship that didn’t “make it” (and rightly so). Please take heart in that the best is yet to come. I dated a guy for 3 years and was so torn up over what I thought was a huge failure and waste of time. I was embarrassed for it to come out on social media after years of posting pictures with him and content stating how in love I was. But, ultimately I am such a happier person for it. That decision made room for a move to CA. It also made room for my now boyfriend and I can’t even begin to explain how night and day the two relationships are. You make an excellent point about pieces sometimes not fitting together. Love is powerful, but it doesn’t replace simple commonalities in a relationship. I will be thinking of you as you heal. You totally got this girl!! THE BEST IS YET TO COME. XO

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Taylor – thank you thank you! And I totally feel you on that one, the embarrassment in the beginning is a real thing. But we just have to accept that things change and they always work out the way they should. I’m happy to hear you found someone that’s perfect for you. Thank you for reading and following along <3

  • Alyssa Rae Lombardi
    Reply

    Olivia,

    My room mate and good friend keeps up with your blog religiously, and she told me yesterday that I needed to read this post because it’s crazy how similar our lives are at this particular moment. I dated my now ex- Denis for 2 years. Last month, we decided to break it off due to huge family issues and unhappiness due to distance and being in different places in life-just like you and Chris seemed to be dealing with.

    I agree that one of the most difficult parts about distance relationship break ups is looking back and realizing how hard you fought for so long to keep the relationship going. It is best to step back and say “how much more can I take? Is this really going to get better, or am I beginning to live in a fantasy world to cover it up?”

    I pushed myself so hard to try to graduate early just so I could move with Denis as he began pilot school that I became burnt out and just…lost in terms of my life and goals.

    I know you have a ton of comments to read, but I hope you can come across this one and have closure that there is a girl who is equally trying to cover up pain over time just like you!(Covering it up won’t last forever because you are now following YOUR dreams! <3) It's nice to know that someone in their 20's is taking the same steps towards their life! Going solo is pretty scary, but way better than settling with an uneasy feeling in your heart! Sending you many hugs and tons of appreciation for your post! <3 God Bless!

    xo Alyssa Rae
    http://www.alyssaraetoday.com

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Alyssa! Thank you so much for your comment. It really is so comforting to hear from other girls who have gone through something similar and can now see the light at the end of the tunnel!! My parents kept telling me that in the beginning, things should be easy – and I think to a degree that’s very true. You should never feel like you’re putting more in than the other person – like when you worked so hard to graduate early to move closer to him. I’m so glad your friend directed you to my blog, thanks for reading and for your thoughts! xo

  • Rachel walker
    Reply

    Hi Olivia!

    First, just want to say I am sorry that thins did not work out between you and Chris –I recently noticed his absence on your insta and was hoping this was not the case. :/

    Second, breakups are difficult and very private I think it is truly inspiring to write
    and talk about such an intimate situation with all if us. You owe nobody an explanation but that up took the time to explain things and even add some advise on there for other just shows again how genuine and kind you are

    And third, you are young gorgeous talented and have so much life ahead of you !and you will make someone a very lucky guy when that times comes again!!

    Beat of luck and enjoy some you time!! love your blog never stop writing lol I look forward to it weekly xo

  • Morgan Moses
    Reply

    This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m going through a break up after 3 years and I know exactly what it feels like. Even though it’s painful, thank you for sharing and allowing me and others to find comfort in your encouraging words… I’m going off to college at UK next year and can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me and that’s what keeps me going! Thank you, Olivia

  • Rebecca
    Reply

    Things have a way of working out for the best! Great things are right around the corner! Take this time to figure out what you want! You are in my thoughts and thanks so much for sharing!
    Rebecca

  • Jody Carlile
    Reply

    Olivia,

    Like the many women before me, this article resonated with me as well. Especially this segment:

    “I don’t regret the decision because I learned a ton, lived in a great city, made some wonderful friends, and moving out there is actually what got me to start my blog. However, removing myself from the culture, friends, family, and life that made me who I was and being immersed in an entirely different culture caused me to feel a little lost and out of place. Over time I noticed I started to lose pieces of who I really was and I lost confidence trying to fit into a culture that I wasn’t necessarily a part of.”

    I can’t tell you how comforting it is to hear of another Midwestern who has experienced this. Going to college in Florida was the best decision I ever made, while also the most trying experience. Great city, better friends, and gave me opportunities and helped me grow in ways I never would have dreamed of. However, I had little confidence, too many tears shed, no sense of belonging, and always felt so lost. In the end, it all wasn’t worth it. I’m MUCH happier being back, aside from a slightly broken heart as well. Letting go, gaining courage and strength is key like you said!

    I enjoy catching up on your blog every so often. I may check in to some of those books you suggested in your previous advice post about Christ. Thank you and I wish you all the best in Chicago!

  • Maddie
    Reply

    Like many of the comments here I too relate a lot to you and this post. I am a former college cheerleader who just ended a serious relationship. Just wanted to thank you for this post, it’s everything I’ve been thinking but unable to articulate. It’s given me strength and hope that God has a plan and will provide me with the strength to handle all things thrown my way. (I also love your Instagram repost of Khloe Kardashian “there is more” great words of wisdom) thank you for being such a real and inspiring person amongst the social media crazies.

  • Chloe
    Reply

    “Just because you’ve invested a lot time and effort in something doesn’t mean that should be your reason to stay.”

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. This post really hit home and related to me in so many ways, Olivia. You truly inspire me with your words. I have been in almost your exact position and know how hard it is contemplating with yourself if this is right or wrong to do. Especially losing a best friend and falling out of love is so hard to accept and something no one wants to do.

    We stay in unhealthy relationships and with the people we love most, no matter if they hurt, worry, or doubt us, because we are comfortable. We have a fear of starting over or losing all the hard work, time, and dedication we have put into that person. But we have to step back and think about the big picture, like you said, and realize if this is “me”.

    I related so much to your post and really appreciate you writing it, as hard as it was to do. You are an inspirational to so many. I absolutely love your blog, follow you on social media sites (daily on snapchat) and will always be a huge subscriber and supporter of you. Thank you for sharing. You give us strength and hope.
    Chloe

  • Jerin Fields
    Reply

    Hi Olivia, I’m a sophomore at the university of Kentucky and just adore your blog and Instagram! I look up to you in so many ways. This post was so inspiring to me because I went through a rough breakup myself last semester with a guy I though was the one. Like you I surrounded my life around him and I’m currently working on myself. It’s so difficult but in the end I’ll be happy. I appreciate you writing this. Your words mean a lot to me!! God has a plan 🙂

  • Holly Okubo
    Reply

    Just catching up on your blog! You are such a strong person. You’re blog is amazing and you’re so talented! Love and miss you!!! xo

  • Autumn
    Reply

    Liv,
    Sorry about the immense lose you are feeling right now. I went through a similar life experience when I moved from SLC to NYC. You are such a bright spirit and I am sure you are going to have a lot going through this move and break up but you are going to have a wonderful spring. You will come out of this relationship stronger, smarter, and shining brighter than ever. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • Allison
    Reply

    This post is everything I needed to hear and more. I couldn’t stop smiling while reading it! Your words are just beautiful. I wish you the best of luck in finding yourself, you’re so strong!

    Xoxox

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much for reading Allison! xo

  • Kaitlyn
    Reply

    I related to this so much. Thank you for sharing!

  • Keith Griffin
    Reply

    Wow, I have seen some FB posts from your mom and have watched you and your sibs grow over the last few years. Just stumbled across your blog. You have clearly grown into an amazing woman. So awesome to see.

  • Vivianne
    Reply

    This is incredible! I stumbled upon your picture on intagram, checked out your blog and liked it but when I read this, I mean wow! You’re gorgeous but your soul and willingness to be open and vulnerable about something so hard (was in a very similar position 3 years ago) is what makes you so so beautiful! Praying for your time in one of my favorite cities and can’t wait to see the pictures of wonderful adventures that await you 🙂

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thank you so much Vivianne!! I’m so happy you came across my blog and were lead to this post. Living here has been amazing and a much needed fresh start. <3

  • Amber
    Reply

    I can’t believe I am just now seeing this post.
    My ex-boyfriend and I broke up in February and I found out that that reasoning was identical to yours give or take a few things.
    You completely took the thoughts and words from me and I COMPLETELY understand.
    That whole experience was upsetting, difficult, hard, depressing- you name it. However, I have never felt more free, and happy in my life.

    Surprisingly enough, I learned who I was and what I wanted and needed in my own life and what I wanted in a partner pretty quickly. Surprisingly enough x2- I met the most incredible man I have ever met and I was VERY reserved for the longest time. Afraid to let go and trust and love so I prayed and little did I know he did too.

    God has bigger reasoning and bigger plans than you could ever imagine. I never knew what this happiness could feel like and I know how to be happy with someone and appreciate this relationship so much more because I knew what I didn’t want and I knew what I did want after God showed me and it just all matched up!!

    Thank you for sharing and wishing you the most happiness in life.

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Amber! I loved reading your comment – I can tell how happy you are now and I completely understand the sadness you went through and how it probably felt overwhelming at the time. Thanks for your sweet words and I’m happy you stumbled upon this post. Best of luck in your future 🙂 xo

  • Meredith
    Reply

    Hi! I know this is an old post but I came across your Instagram about a month go and fell in love with it as well as your blog. I absolutely love what you post, and actually am commenting on this post specifically because I can so relate right now. I have been struggling for such a long time now about comfort versus true happiness. I am undergoing this right now, and it is weighing on me like you can imagine. You are so strong for all of this! Thank you so so much for sharing! I just recently moved to Chicago about 4 months ago, if you ever want to grab drinks or coffee, I would love that! Xo!

  • Katie
    Reply

    Hi – I know this is an old post, but I actually came to find it. I had read it years ago, but find myself in the same situation too. We just ended our long distance relationship, and I’m actually moving to Chicago this summer (and his name was Chris too!) but I just want to say thank you for putting these words out here. I needed them and feel the exact same way you did. I see how are you doing now, and I’m so excited for the future because you’ve inspired me so much. Thank you <3

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