In ADVICE + THOUGHTS, FASHION, outfits

Ever wonder why your married friends, your parents, and the older/wiser people in your life are constantly telling you to “enjoy this time” while you can? Ever want to slam your head against a wall if you hear that phrase one more time? Well, let me tell you, I’ve heard it so many times – and especially recently. And in some way I think it’s a warning from the people who might’ve wished this precious time away a little too fast.

The moody, negative, and dramatic side of me nods and agrees with these people, but in the back of my mind I’m thinking: Enjoy what? Heartbreak, awkward dating (uhg), career confusion, lack of direction, bills, no sense of purpose, quarter-life-crisis-ness, BEING ALONE FOREVER.. Can’t we just fast forward to the life where we live in a cute house with our cute kids, perfect husband, attend spin class, shop at trader joes, and are in bed by 10 PM every night? Obviously, we all have more goals than that.. but you know what I mean. Security. Purpose. Direction. It’s kind of how we girls are programmed. We want to build our nest, take care of our nest, and be cuddled and warm.. in our nest.

We all want the greener grass. We want to be living the lives we thought we’d be living by now.  But it’s the greener grass mentality that messes us up. It takes away from the present moment and the opportunities and experiences that are happening right now, right in front of us. If you’re constantly focused on what you think you want and wish you had, you miss out.

One of my closest friends has been incredibly helpful in bringing me to this realization (hi rob). You need those people – the ones who help you see past your own problems and look on the brighter side of life, the side where things are never as bad as your mind tries to convince you that they are. The friends who tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear. Being a single 20-something can be scary, and awkward and it can hit you pretty hard at times that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing, but it’s also a time for you to:

  • Really learn about who you are, the things you like, the things you hate.
  • Be selfish and worry about YOU – not kids, not a spouse, not a mortgage.
  • Have fun with your friends and work on friendships that will last a lifetime.
  • Travel, see new things, learn new things.
  • Focus on your career and be a boss a** b**** (sorry Nani)
  • Invest in the relationships outside of your boyfriend/husband.
  • Have an excuse for acting like an idiot because it’s “fun”.
  • Savor every minute you have with your parents at this age. Every. Minute.
  • Dress up and go out because you’re young, single, and in your priiiiime.
  • Start actually doing the hobbies you claim to love. Reading, writing, cooking, marathon-tv-show-watching.
  • Have extra cash – all to yourself.
  • Don’t worry about over analyzing every text message because if he ain’t the one, there’s plenty of others.
  • More girls trips.
  • Less settling.
  • Be in complete control of your happiness.
  • Try a new city!!
  • Meet new people.
  • Send constant screenshot convos that make you laugh out loud to yourself.
  • Ponder life with friends over coffee.
  • Have the freedom to make any decision you want for YOURSELF.
  • And flirting can be fun… right?

From what I’ve heard it’s all uphill from here – so we need to take advantage of being 20-something with no idea of where you’re going, because that’s the fun and exciting part in all of this. The sooner you realize that no one else can make you whole but yourself, the sooner you’ll be able to start living a more fulfilled life. And your soul will be way more prepared to meet the right mate when the time is right. Choose to be happy, choose to be stronger, and realize that no relationship, career, or other person is going to make you whole. And, in the wise words of my girl Carrie Bradshaw….

  “I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.” 

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Pink Dress (almost sold out, wearing 0P) | Similar Rose Option in stock! || Ponyhair Crossbody || Platform Heels || Meagan Gilbert Photography || Thanks to Topshop for sponsoring this post

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Showing 24 comments
  • Lindsey
    Reply

    Thank you! Thank you! Being recently single from a four year-long distance relationship, this couldn’t have come at a better time. Reading this was like talking to one of my good girlfriends! Keep on kickin a**! 💗

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      4 years?!! Girl. I can relate but that’s a loenggg time. Hope you’re living it up and loving life 🙂 xoxo

      • Annie
        Reply

        This is such a mood changer!!! And SO relatable. You get it, Olivia!! 💕💓💕

  • Lauren
    Reply

    Wow I love this.

  • Erica @ Coming Up Roses
    Reply

    Olivia, I seriously think we’d be best friends IRL! (Second to Lindsay of course haha) You’ve got SUCH GREAT POINTS here.

    I wrote a post a bit ago called “the grass is green where you water it” as a Monday Mantra to combat this comparison game we all get trapped within at some point or another in our 20-something lives…it’s toxic.
    (Check it out here if ya like! http://cominguprosestheblog.com/the-grass-is-green-where-you-water-it/ )
    It’s just not good for anyone!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      LOL. I love that you said second to Lindsey, yes – we definitely would haha. But yes, I’ll definitely be reading that one – good topic to cover girl!

  • Bri
    Reply

    Olivia,

    I have to say first that I absolutely love your blog. Being from South Bend as well (I met you at an ND tailgate this past season and totally fan-girled hard 🙈) I love that someone from our area and my age is such a popular blogger. I, not too long ago, went through a similar situation you’re now journeying through. While I didn’t know it then, it has turned into the biggest blessing I could have ever been blessed with. I got to fully engulf myself in me and focus on my wants and needs. I didn’t do that before. I didn’t exactly care for the person I was. I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until that relationship ended and I was able to sit down and be real with myself. I’m lucky to have now found myself in ways I didn’t even know possible. I am a better person for not only me but for my loved ones, friends, my coworkers, and my students.

    Take the time to be sad. Breakups just plain suck. There’s no way around that one. One day though it all makes sense. I was lucky to have that realization a few months ago when someone walked into my life when I wasn’t even looking. God truly works in mysterious ways! I wish you all the best. Keep your head up. It can only get better from here 😘

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Bri! I love that you’re from South Bend – haha and thanks for coming to say hi 🙂 It’s nice to hear from other girls who have been through this stuff. But you’re right, eventually you will see how big of a blessing some of your hardships are. That’s SO great that you found someone when you didn’t expect it at all, thanks for following along sweet girl!

  • Olivia
    Reply

    Hey Liv!
    I follow you on insta and just love your fashion sense! It’s great! Saw this post and it was the first one I read of yours! I’ve recently just got out of a 2year relationship myself back in January, and been loving the single life! It is honestly the best and you will really love it! Yes there are going to be those moments where you don’t feel like yourself because you feel your missing your other half…but having good friends surround you and a fun atmosphere honestly makes all that saddeness go away! So from one single girl to another go out and have fun! And don’t look for mr. Right because when your not looking that’s when you will meet him:) keep your head up!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Olivia! I’m so glad you’re following and made it to the website – thanks so much for stopping by to say hi! I love your positive attitude about it – it really is a fun time and you have to enjoy every minute of it while you can. Good friends and a fun atmosphere help so much. xoxo

  • Jess
    Reply

    Love this post and your positivity!! I’ve seen you wear a lot of heels like this and other girls recently and always thought how do they walk in them.. Just bought a pair and little did I know they aren’t bad at all and so easy to walk in!! Haha and I don’t mind looking tall xoxo

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Isn’t that funny? They’re SO tall but for some reason they’re actually more comfortable and easier to walk in than a lot of my heels! Thanks for stopping by to say hi xoxox

  • Allie
    Reply

    Okay, I need to say something. If you think that being married with kids is all shopping at Trader Joe’s and going to spin class, you have no idea what married with kids is really like. I’m close to your age. I am married with two small children, and holy sh*t it is HARD. I wouldn’t trade them for the world- I freakin adore my babies and husband, but there are days I want to cry, yell, hide, and run away. There are days I miss my ‘before’ life so much it hurts, because once you have kids your life is not your own anymore. As much as any mother will tell you these things, there really is no preparing for it. There also isn’t any preparing for the amount of love you will feel for your kids, either. Any moms who portray their lives as perfect are putting on a show, I promise.

    Also, can you stop saying that women just want to settle down and ‘build their nest?’ Really? Is this 1950? Women have fought really, really hard to break away from that box. If that is what you want that is perfectly fine, but let’s not imply that that’s how women are designed and we all want that. There are so many girls that strive to do other things (think Malala Yousafzai).

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Thanks for your comment! I appreciate getting feedback from my readers so I can better understand the women following along. And yes – some of those moms do a GREAT job of making mom life look glamorous 😉 I agree not all women want to settle down and ‘build their nest’, that’s just what I personally look forward to (and when I write things like this it’s more like a personal diary for others to read if they’re interested or can relate!). However, I am also an entrepreneur and career driven 25 year old, so I respect the work that women have done to get us this far. We need to just prove the stereotype wrong with our actions and achievements! Continue being a great mom and a hard working woman, you’re a boss!!

  • Annaliese
    Reply

    Yes yes yes to all of this! I’m about to graduate from college in a few weeks, and I have yet to have a boyfriend in my college years. I’ve had plenty of casual dates throughout the few years, but I didn’t meet the right person in college, and I’m just now realizing THAT’S OKAY. 🙂 I instead spent my college years blogging my heart out, pursuing academics, and making great friendships. I have plenty of time to meet someone- as do lots of other girls my age! The world needs more blog posts like this!! Thank-you for sharing your heart!

    xoxo A
    http://www.southernbelleintraining.com

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      Hi Annaliese! You have so many amazing things you still need to do and figure out for yourself – you will find him when the time is right! It sounds like you’re such a driven girl with lots of great things going for you, good luck with this fun stage in your life and thanks for reading! xoxo

  • Rachel @ Betty LIVIN
    Reply

    Great post Olivia! I remember feeling completely lost when my 6 year relationship ended, but the two years I was single after that have been some of the most memorable of my life. My friendships became air tight and I gained a new sense of confidence. It’s so scary when life doesn’t go as planned but you have to know it will work out even better than you imagined! Hugs!

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      I’m definitely looking forward to this time – my friendships are already so much stronger it’s amazing! Thank you so much for the message and for stopping by to read. xoxo

  • Morgan
    Reply

    This is precisely the stage of life I am in and appreciated reading from someone in a similar situation. I have been single for the majority of my 20’s ((which is FAR from where I thought I would be)) and it has taken many years for me to be comfortable with it. I truly believe God is molding me into His vision now and preparing me for the awesome man, plans, kids, etc he has in store! And I’m sure he’s doing the same for you!

    -Morgan
    How 2 Wear It [] http://how2wearit.com

    • http://oliviarink.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/gravatar-olivia-rink.jpg
      Olivia Rink
      Reply

      So happy to hear Morgan! You sound like you’re are headed in the right direction with God leading the way <3

  • Kelly
    Reply

    Thank you for this insightful post. Definitely relevant to my life right now and something I needed to hear! Thank you!

  • Melody
    Reply

    One of my favorite quotes…Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first! You go this girl <3

  • Christel
    Reply

    This post is amazing!! I just turned 28, broke up with my boyfriend last year of almost 4 years, and it’s 100% scary approaching my 30s now single (and when I chose to be single on top of it). Throughout the year, I really have tried to be as focused on myself as possible (which is hard because I’m such a giver and love to focus on others naturally). I know there is an unknown plan for me, but it’s unsettling because I want the exact same things you do! I am extremely anxious to live in a perfect house, have a handsome hubby who adores me more than anything, have 4 precious little blonde children, and run around in constant Lululemon. But these things will come, at the right time, with the person I haven’t met yet, and that is super exciting! It’s just hard being this age because my close friends are getting engaged, having their dream weddings, becoming pregnant for the first (or even second) time, and it’s tough to be envious of them. I just have learned patience on a whole different level and am having the most fun doing me as I can, because we can NEVER get this time back!!! Live it up, enjoy every second of it, and the best things always come to us when we aren’t looking for them 😉

    XO
    Christel

  • Kathleen
    Reply

    This is such a gorgeous pink dress. You look amazing from head to toe!
    <3
    katsfashionfix.blogspot.com

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