Thank you @CharlestBentley for bringing this post to life with your art! I love the imagination in your work.
Personal growth is uncomfortable. It feels confusing and empty because that’s exactly what’s happening: you’re being emptied of your old ways to make room for the new. It’s an internal battle between the old self and new self 🤜🏼🤛🏼
To become the newer, better you, you have to un-become everything that’s holding you back. And that process can be really uncomfortable. The more I experience this familiar cycle, the better I get at embracing the discomfort.
I’ve learned honesty is the only way to really make an impact so here’s my honest struggle lately:
In this season of life I’ve lost some of the desire to document my real-time life and share new outfits. I say ‘some’ of the desire, because I still really love writing about my thoughts and experiences and sharing them with you. But – for my own sanity, I’ve really been working on living my life in the moment and being fully present, which doesn’t leave much time to record it for the internet to see. Fashion is still a passion of mine, but recently I’ve gained a new found wisdom that my purpose is connected deeper to something different than simply sharing a nice outfit. Don’t get me wrong, I still get excited when I find outfits that fit my petite frame and I will always love sharing those. But I’m also excited about entering into this new avenue of influencing and creating.
My work on here is deeply personal and I share parts of my life almost every day. I’ve found an incredible amount of purpose in sharing my stories with you and hearing how my work on here has helped you in some way. At first I was anxious when I started noticing my desires changing and when certain things I was so used to doing started to feel forced, repetitive, and invasive. I was having a hard time with it all until I realized the loss of certain desires could be the answer to my reoccurring prayers that are now finally leading me somewhere new.
You can imagine how losing these desires might feel a little scary considering it’s how I’ve built my business, but I know it’s just another uncomfortable wave of change rolling through that will make sense once my path is eventually redirected. I’m breaking the mold I’ve been operating in for so long in order to be lead somewhere new.
The process of change isn’t easy, but that’s the point. It puts you through a fire that brings you out refined and better than before, not destroyed. I figured some of you might need to hear this so I wanted to talk about it because I was only able to put this into words after talking to a friend on the phone yesterday who’s been through the same thing herself. Talking to people I trust helps me dissect my own thoughts, so I’m hoping this can do the same for you in some way and provide some clarity in your current storm.
We all need to give ourselves the time and space it takes to let change happen in our lives. It might feel weird and lonely and confusing initially, but those feelings mean you’re changing, and that He’s coming in to takeover. Leaving you with my favorite CS Lewis quote that makes me tear up when I read it because it’s the perfect metaphor:
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
— C.S. Lewis
If you have time tonight I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post in my IG post tonight, I’ll be reading through them all ❤️